First, some music.
With the return of spring comes the bursting rebirth of plants and animals, the blooming of vibrant colors and tantalizing spring auroras, the beguiling songs of the birds, the slow whispers of the lazy streams and the return of the light after the defeat of the winter spirits. New seeds fall from trees and bushes and sprout forth opulently. It is a time of serenity, peace, calmness and reflection amongst the seething buds of new life and the gorgeousness of the earth goddess’ music. Along with this new rebirth of life and beauty every year from nature’s eternal cycle comes the return of old memories and the creation of new ones. New experiences are to be made and old ones to be reminisced upon.
In the days of my youth I was an adventurous child and would spend hours at a time exploring the vast expanse of wilderness (or so it seemed) at the nearby forest and behind the house. The massive heights of the succulent trees with the bright light filtering through, the sedated flow of the rivers, the richness of the songs of the birds, watching fish swim by elegantly in the shimmering pools of glittering sand, the smoothness of the grass on top of the highest hills, the soft clouds floating by slowly throughout the day, the calm pink aurora of the sunsets and the colossal view of the luminous glowing stars in the effulging night sky were all wondrous to behold and to be a part of. I spent much of my time wandering around in the denseness of the woods and exploring. I felt at peace being enveloped by the trees and in it’s quiet atmosphere. I was isolated from all of the filth and the disruptive noises of the world. A feeling of nostalgia began to settle within me and consume my thoughts, similarly to how the pebbles collect at the bottom of a depression in a river. I did not know how to explain this nostalgic feeling; so it was left to stir in my mind unidentified and isolated for many years. The only time I was able to evoke this unexplainable emotion was when I was near the forest or in a natural pocket of reclusion away from the world. It never occured anywhere else.
It was in these forests that I began to reflect about life. I thought about how much simpler and fulfilling life had been when we lived in small communities and surrounded by forests and rivers. I wondered why we had changed our form of life into one of artificiality and comfort. What could make someone want to live like this? To me, the modern world only brought sadness, longing and nostalgia. I had these Pagan thoughts before I even knew what paganism was. I have heard similar stories from many others who share our worldview and have concluded that we are born as Pagans.
I concluded that this “presence” was something that could only be felt by someone who had a more intimate relationship with nature. This nostalgia was sadly dispelled as soon as I returned to modernity and the surrounding of the accompanying electrical pulses. At the time, I thought perhaps that I was experiencing some form of “spiritual” presence from nature because I had possessed something nobody else did. I had the feeling that I had somehow been in these mighty forests before in a past life and in a far away land and had experienced nature in her purest form. I did not consider it odd or erratic in any way and did not mention it to anyone. It was not foreboding or disconcerting in any sense but instead brought a feeling of comfort and tranquility. It was a feeling that I thought was exclusive to myself and that nobody else would ever understand it if I tried to explain it. Many years later I found the true source of this feeling and have since gained a new meaning of life.
Childhood is an invaluable time in a persons’ life and often contains the best memories that they will have. While I spent much time in the thick solitude of the forest by myself just absorbing the scenery and the aurora of the atmosphere, I also had a few good and reliable friends. We were teeming with innocence and were still uncorrupted by the toxic claws of the school system. We would ride our bikes around, go exploring in the forests, make up stories, play games, play boardgames, play with wooden swords and shields, go fishing, play with action figures, color, go hunting for imaginary animals, have marshmallows over the fire, go swimming, read fantasy books, play with Legos and everything else that is a critical part of a happy childhood. We would come up with fantasy names (“Griglak Bloodbones”, “Elos Talenbane”, “Turgglick” etc, etc) for ourselves and for the surrounding area (“The Twilight Chasms”, “The Misty Forest”, “Orfindel’s Lair” etc, etc) and would create quests to be completed each day. We would draw maps and have lists of quests and tasks. Goblins were slain, wizards befriended, dungeons crawled through, castles explored and glorious treasures were found. Sometimes we would find others to group up with to go on large scale adventures (“raids”) and to find even greater treasures. We would reward ourselves with powerful weapons, spells, enchantments, armor, rings, helmets and shields (with a corresponding line or drawing on our cardboard) and would keep track of every point of XP we earned and how many skill points we had left. We created our own wonderful and enchanting world within our own that we wished we could escape to. The experiences were superb, captivating and enamoring and never had a single dull moment. Our excursions would span the whole day and we would often return with cuts and scrapes to tend to at night and were completely sapped of energy. I would go home and dream of the wilderness and of many mythical adventures full of goblins, elves, dwarves, dragons, heroic warriors and princesses to be saved. We were not deterred by any of these creatures and would return the next day to another valiant and exciting adventure. Our minds were brimming with imagination, creativity and wonderful ideas.
These times lasted for many years and did not lose any of their zeal until we were finally consumed by the pervasive darkness of the Hebraic school system. These are times that will remain with me and will cherish forever. I lament the thought of all of the other brainwashed children who will never be able to have such experiences. Farewell childhood. I will forever miss you. May I see you again the next time.